AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE

Agro and Jamie Dunn - A small furry puppet made out of a bathmat with a large bald man's hand up his behind. Jamie Dunn was never seen, but Agro hosted Wombat, some obscure kids nature show I can't recall, and then Agro's Cartoon Connection, which children of the nineties watch religiously before school. The show was axed and Agro made regular appearances on Brisbane radio station B105, which raised the possibility that Agro was sitting at Jamie's house in a suitcase. His full name was Agro Vation.
English Alternative: Sooty

TONY ABBOTT - The other half of the Abbott and Costello of Australian politics. He was the Health Minister and a devout Catholic, but he doesn’t differentiate between these things. He suddenly became “more human” when he was reunited with a child he and a former girl friend had adopted out, but it turned out that he wasn’t the father after all.

BENITA COLLINGS - Longest serving Playshool presenter and excellent sidekick of John. A John and Benita day on Playschool was a good day indeed. Also remembered for presenting a Logie award with erect nipples which could visibly be seen through her thin blouse, making her opening remark "I'm excited to be here" all the more hilarious.

PETER COSTELLO – Ex-Federal treasurer and the Ossie to John Howard’s Daryl. His unbridled smugness makes him one of the creepiest characters in federal politics, second only to Philip Ruddock. The saddest day of his life was when John Howard announced that he would be leading the party into the 2004 election. Peter almost cried.

GARETH EVANS - Former politician with the Hawke and Keating Labor Governments. A bit of a beardy-weirdy, very proper. John Howard once declared in parliament "Gareth, I Love You!" The whole country was grossed out when it was revealed that Cheryl Kernot also loved him, but in a much more horrifying way.

DAME EDNA EVERAGE - Is really man in a dress. She/he has been around forever and entertains audiences with her household tips and bagging out her friend Madge. I think she has a son who is gay, although I may be thinking of Keeping Up Appearances. She comes from Mooney Ponds which is a funny name and a real place. America has just discovered her.

JOHN HAMBLIN - Greatest Playschool host ever. Brilliant comic timing and the ability to pretend he's enjoying himself for the kiddies, when the parents can see that he's reluctantly doing Dingle-dangle scarecrow, even though he was probably having the time of his life anyhow. Most memorable John moment is when a mouse ran into his shirt on Wednesday (animal day) and John carried on with the lesson despite the rodent running all over his torso while Benita tried to get it out.

PAULINE HANSON - Ex-fish and chip shop owner who got herself elected to federal parliament and then proceeded to freak everyone out by saying we should stop Asians coming to the country. Always arguing that she wasn’t racist, Hanson became a bit of a joke when asked it she was xenophobic – she replied “Please explain?” which became a national catchphrase. She was jailed for several months for electoral fraud, released and appeared on Dancing with the Stars. She then sold real estate.
*2009 update: Pauline tried to get into QLD state politics during the elections but, thankfully, failed. Seriously, when will she get the hint??

JOHN HOWARD – Australian Prime Minister from 1996-2007. Commonly depicted as short with huge eyebrows and monkey lips, John Howard has huge eyebrows and monkey lips, but is not actually that short. Despite distancing himself from Pauline Hanson, claiming that he would never introduce a GST, denying he knew about children being thrown overboard and being arm wrestled by Mark Latham, he managed to win 4 Federal elections – if only because he was less pathetic than Kim Beasley. Howard is a mad keen sports fan (which may have explained a few things about the state of our country). He went for a walk every morning in a Wallabies tracksuit, and would have made Don Bradman the GG if he were still alive. Sadly Johnny’s track record of sporting achievements was limited to hurling a cricket ball at some Indian kiddies and dropping the same cricket ball when it was returned to him by an onlooker. John Howard refused to retire, much to the dismay of Peter Costello. He lost teh 2007 Federal Election to Kevin Rudd, and became only the second ever sitting Prime Minister to lose his seat in an election. He was beaten by Maxine McKew, who used to be on Playschool.

JOHN HOWARD - Totally different to the Prime Minster. This one’s an actor who appeared in SeaChange and teneds to get mixed up with the former Prime Minsiter. He often got mixed up with the PM on purpose so people will watch a variety show.

CHERYL KERNOT - Former politician who started out as a democrat then defected to the Labor party. It was later revealed that she defected because she was sleeping with Gareth Evans. She now lives in London - suckers!

SIR JOHN KERR - The man who fired Whitlam. No more needs to be said.

MARK LATHAM – Briefly thought to be the saving grace of Australian politics, Latham (or Gough Mk II) became the federal opposition leader 2003 and proceeded to lose the election and his mind and made everyone relieved that John Howard was still PM (for the first time ever). Famously known for beating up a taxi driver, swearing and doing both of these things to an ABC “journalist”, Latham may possibly have won the 2004 election, had he not shaken John Howard’s hand the day before. Since leaving politics (due to ill health and his acute hatred of the Labor party), Latham has proceed to injure several people and release a book that has pretty much counted the Labor party out of the running in the next 2 Federal elections. (Not so - see Kevin Rudd)

RAY MARTIN -Television journalist who pops up everywhere. Hosted Midday with Ray Martin for several years and because the object of every old lady’s affection. Then moved to hosting A Current Affair during which time he attached himself to some Siamese Twins and won a few gold Logies. He is famous for his unmoving black hair and gap between his front teeth. For some reason he also repeats certain words off the auto-cue, as in "Shonky builders are costing taxpayers thousands... thousands."

SHAUN MICALLEF - Brilliant comic mind originally from Adelaide and a law background. Shaun got his big break on Full Frontal and went onto host his own sketch comedy show on the ABC for three seasons, and a sadly shortlived Tonight Show on Channel 9. He has appeared in several movies and guested on various TV programmes over the years. He has released a book and once hosted the Logie Awards. He went on to host breakfast radio in Melbourne then the outrageously successfull Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation on TV.
He is oft described as a 'tortured genius'.
* Viv recommends Shaun Micallef (as does Jen)

MOLLY MELDRUM – He’s a guy and his real name is Ian. He’s a music “guru” of sorts. Used to be on Hey Hey it’s Saturday, hosting “Molly’s Melodrama” and before that he hosted Countdown on the ABC. He’s gay and always wears a cowboy hat and has trouble talking – as in he can’t string a sentence together without several ‘ums’. His catchphrase was ‘do yourself a favour’ – as is ‘Do yourself a favour and buy this album’, or don't, as the case may be.

BERT NEWTON - Oft referred to as "Moonface" as he has a huge head, which looks like the moon, or at least did when the telly was still black and white. Long time comedy partner of Graham Kennedy, Bert was quite funny in ye olde times, then somehow ended up on Good Morning Australia on Channel Ten for 14 years hosting a morning talkshow which also sold exercise equipment. He then went back to Channel 9 where he now hosts everything except the morning news. He has a hair piece, which he doesn't try to hide and enjoys make jokes about homosexuals.
English Alternative: Terry Wogan.

KEVIN RUDD - Current PM of Australia. Beat John Howard's mob in a landslide after his ridiclously popular Kevin07 campaign. Everyone was very excited when he was elected, then we realised that he was just a giant nerd. Still, he's kept us out of a recession by showering us all in free money, so we like him.

PHILLIP RUDDOCK - Former Howard Government Immigration Minister and Attorney-General of Australia. Considered to be very boring and lifeless, much like the rest of the Liberal party. He was invovled in the Children Overboard Scandal.

PETE SMITH - Voice over man at Channel 9 and has been there since ever. Never afraid to take a jab at himself or the industry, Pete has worked with the D-Generation, the Late Show, Martin/Molloy and Shaun Micallef. He used to be the announcer on Sale of the Century and presented Copperart commericals.
English Alternative: Patrick Allen

DARYL SOMERS – TV personality who just won’t die. Daryl hosted the Channel 9 show Hey Hey, it’s Saturday! for 28 years often appearing in costume or another gaudy knitted jumper alongside a pink ostrich called Ossie. Admittedly, Daryl was pretty funny on Hey Hey, occasionally impersonating Tattoo from Fantasy Island and singing. Despite being corny at times, it was a mixture of relief and sadness when he got the axe. He disappeared for several years, only to surface on channel 7 hosting Dancing with the Stars where he didn’t impersonate Tattoo but still insisted on singing.

GOUGH WHITLAM - If ever there was a man to be admired, it was and still is Edward Gough Whitlam. Prime Minister of Australia from December 1972-November 1975, he made Australia the place it is today (well, the bits the Howard government haven't screwed up, anyway). He introduced Medicare, reduced the voting age to 18, made tertiary education available to all, abolished conscription, and ended the White Australia policy. He was sacked by Sir John Kerr during the 1975 Constitutional Crisis on November 11. Gough is still going strong and no one is allowed to say a bad word about him. Mostly because there is nothing bad to be said.

CHARLES 'BUD' TINGWELL - Much loved actor who starred in a bunch of films. Best know to younger folks as Gramps in Charlie the Wonderdog, a lawyer in the Castle and a priest in the Dish. I think he was in neighbours too and a spitfire pilot in WWII. He died in 2009, to much outpouring of grief.

DON LANE - American guy who came to Australia and got his own show. He was tall, so we called him The Lanky Yank. He won a gold Logie and hung out with Graham Kennedy and Bert Newton a lot of the time. He just won't seem to go back home. Do you want him?

KATE LANGBROEK - Actress/Comedian/Radio announcer who was once in Chances. She was the token female on The Panel and starred on Dancing With The Stars. She is infamous for breastfeeding her infant son on live on the Panel (although you couldn't see much, so I don't know what all the fuss was about). Her brother is somehow the opposition leader in QLD.

MICHAEL CATON - Actor who used to be in The Sullivans and Chances and was also in The Castle. For some reason Channel Seven made the connection between a movie about a family home and a tv show that fixes up houses for auction and Caton now hosts that.

ROVE McMANUS - Short guy from Perth who briefly had a late-night comedy show on Channel 9 before it was axed and picked up by Channel 10 where it became an instant hit. Rove was everyone's favourite non-swearing, good-little-boy and funny man and he and his wife Belinda Emmett were a weekly magazine favourite. Several Gold Logies later Rove's popularity was dwindling and it looked like his show was to be axed. Sadly his wife Belinda passed away from a long battle with cancer. Then everyone's attitude went from "Rove's just getting annoying now" to "Aw, let's give the little tiger another go". Rove is still on television and doing very well for himself.

ANGUS SAMPSON - Angus was Dylan Lewis' silent sidekick The Enforcer on Recovery for many years, before being recognised for his lame Snack Stop advertisements. He then starred in a string of unremarkable tv shows, before rising to fame on Thank God You're Here, where he played himself. With a deep raspy voice, dry sense of humour and lips like a male Angelina, Angus is not for sharing with you Poms.