Patrick Allen - Mr Voiceover. In the 70’s he landed on a
lawn in a helicopter to tell us how wonderful Barratt housing was (In an advert, not a personal appearance). In the 80s he did the voiceover for the Thatcher government’s ‘What to do in the event of Nuclear Attack’ public information film, which was leaked to the press (& sampled by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, if anybody remembers them). Nowadays he’s used for ironic effect on programmes like Viv & Bob’s ‘Shooting Stars’, & anything else that requires gravely serious tones.
Australian Alternative: Pete Smith
TONY BLAIR -
Our Prime minister. Takes credit for single-
handedly inventing ‘New Labour’. Most supporters highly disappointed when this turned out to be the same thing as ‘Old Conservative’. Example: privatisation. The UK is the only country in the world to have a partially-privatised Air Traffic Control Network (even the USA, capital of capitalism, keeps it a Government department). Tony (definitely not Anthony, it’s not chummy enough) likes to show himself as a man of the people. Recently he appeared on a radio phone-in about the extremely important political issue of ... the World Cup (football contest).
Noel Edmonds & Mister Blobby - One of these is a hideous plastic character invented by committee to cynically exploit money from small children & their grandparents. The other is Mister Blobby (apologies to Private Eye magazine for paraphrasing this joke).
Australian Alternative: Humphrey B. Bear
Lucien Freud - The greatest living painter. Not a bad accolade.
Jeremy Paxman - Brilliant political interviewer (Newsnight, BBC2), author & presenter. Best interview: repeating the same question for a full 26 minutes to Michael Howard, when he refused to answer a straightforward question. Howard wheedled his way around, squirming in his seat. He still managed not to answer it properly, but looked a complete fool.
John Prescott - Deputy Prime Minister. Constant source
of embarrassment to Tony Blair: getting involved in fisticuffs with a protester who dared to throw an egg at him, having two chauffeurs to drive his ‘Two Jags’ (one of his nicknames), having lots of houses, and most recently, having a two-year affair with his secretary. Hence the Sun headline: ‘Two Shags’.
Australia's "Just as Smug-looking" alternative: Peter Costello
Jonathan Ross - The new Mr TV. Owns or is involved in
just about the entire output of television from 1986 onwards. He has the knack of seeming very natural & being honest & downright rude (even to Hollywood stars), yet he manages not to offend anybody. Hence he presents the top-rating BBC chat show, awards shows, & generally rakes it in on panel games. He has a genuine enthusiasm for film, reviewing, & making well-informed documentaries. He also has a top-rating Saturday morning radio programme. He should be loathed for being such an all-round success, right? Wrong. He’s gone from being shy boy-next-door ‘alternative viewing’ to housewives’ favourite (sadly, probably because we’ve all aged into the mainstream ourselves). He has outrageous dress-sense & happily sends himself up, about this & everything else. His wife Jane Goldman is a journalist, who is noted for her intelligence, pillar-box red hair & ample bosom.
Margaret Thatcher - A friend told me they dreamt
Margaret Thatcher died, & was it accurate? Sadly not. When Thatcher shuffles off this mortal coil, we’ll all get the sickening sensation as the earth tilts off it’s axis with the weight of people queuing up to dance on her grave...
Terry Wogan - Mr TV. He shouldn’t really be in this list, because he’s Irish. However, he’s been a perennial of the BBC since goodness knows when. The 60s at least, when he was on Radio 1. He’s now enjoys the biggest audience for radio in the UK, presents the Eurovision song contest. Australian Alternative: Bert Newton
Click here to read about Jen's first encounter with Mr. Wogan!
VICTORIA WOOD - The funniest woman in Britain. 
Officially, she was presented with just such an award! Despite there not being a huge amount of competition, this isn’t a back-handed compliment. Talented writer with an ear for naturalistic but hilarious dialogue, actress, singer, musician. Arguably (ie in my opinion) her finest creation is ‘Acorn Antiques’, (a parody of Seventies UK soap ‘Crossroads’ which was so cheap it had cardboard sets & was shown live) complete with continuity errors, gaping holes in the plot, atrocious acting & appalling make-up. Sample dialogue:
Mrs Overall (cleaning lady): ‘As my husband used to say to me, Bodecia, I...’
Babs (interrupting): ‘Why did he call you Bodecia, Mrs O?’
Mrs Overall: ‘He was mad, Miss Babs’
OLIVER POSTGATE & PETER FIRMIN - Say these names to any UK resident over the age of thirty, & you might well get blank looks & shrugged shoulders. However, if you mention any of the magical programmes they made, you’re more likely to get misty eyes, broad grins, & possibly even grown men throwing their arms around each other & blubbing about a pink fluffy cat.
Why? Simply put, they made the best kids TV shows ever. Because these men cared not a jot for anything other than telling a good story in the best way possible; doing it entirely under their own steam using stop-motion, elegant drawings, ancient myths, scientific fact, just the right quantity of nonsense & ultimately the love of a job well done.
